no, he came in my armpit
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
