I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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