I CAN MOONWALK!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
