Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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