Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
