I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize