giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
