My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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