i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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