well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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