Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
