did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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