I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
