we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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