When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
