I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
