so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize