Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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