do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
