you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
