apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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