Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
