So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
