just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
