I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
