he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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