at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
