She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
