Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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