i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
