Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
