My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
