I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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