Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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