He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
