Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
