Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize