I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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