ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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