how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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