WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
