He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize