And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
