i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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