Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
