I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
