I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
