My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
