omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
