Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
