Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
