Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
