Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
