i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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