I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
