My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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