I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
