Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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