She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
