I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
