my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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