His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
