i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize