Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
