She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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