Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
