I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize