I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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