I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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