Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
