so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
