He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize