people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
