The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
