Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
