moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
