I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
