Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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