so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
