Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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