please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
