i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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