Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
