walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
NoShamevember. You game?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
