i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
