a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
