I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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