She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
