he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
