Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
