It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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