he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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